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Joke of the Day

"I just made way too much pasta, so if you haven't eaten dinner yet, swing by and watch me eat way too much pasta."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ammonia ! Ammonia who ? Ammonia a poor little sparrow !"

"Sometimes I want to get married just so I can have something sad to tweet about."

"[funeral] ok I need everyone over 70 to gather for the bouquet toss"

"Stranger: nice to meet you Me: give it time"

"In my spare time I like to read, write, and fall in love with unavailable people."

"Girl, me without you is like the History Channel without World War Two."

"Last night I watched a great U.S. Olympic Trials semifinal match that featured Sylvester Stallone vs Joey Lawrence in a Pronunciation game."

"How many JokeExplainBots does it take to change a lightbulb? **Lightbulbs** are easily threaded by one person, **usually** with one hand. Doot."

"Me: I'm not saying I hate your voice, but when you start talking, I understand the way dogs feel about fireworks. *howls* Co-worker:"