96519

Joke of the Day

"The new Trump Administration is re-doing the voice mail prompts at the White House... Thank you for calling the White House. For English, press 1. <silence>"

"It takes two who know how to tango to tango."

"WORM: Why do caterpillars think they are better than us? OTHER WORM: *is drowning in a very shallow puddle*"

"Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says 'you're a joke' you can say 'the joke's on you' and disarm the situation."

"Today's youth are getting worse.. Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle"

"I saw this advert in a window that said: ""Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."" I thought, ""I can't turn that down."""

"My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet."

"I know repetitive noises irritate people so I'm surprised there weren't more rage-induced murders back when typewriters were being used"

"I once met this guy who was so creepy that his van had a basement."

"I think the most profound advice my father ever told me was... ""Stop using me in your bullshit stories."""