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Joke of the Day

"wander ten miles over the German border, shoot everybody in sight and then claim you were never over the line"

"Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, ""Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!"" I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died."

"Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing."

"What is the difference between a blonde and a hen? The blonde doesn't sit still when she is on eggs."

"Can a match box no, but a tin can ;)"

"College is like unprotected sex... Good until you get tested"

"When is ""shit"" not ever ""real""?"

"I wrote ""except zombies"" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse."

"Sorry I used the word flaccid twice in your wedding toast."

"People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL."