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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a person who is about to jump off a bridge and commit suicide ""Don't do it! You have so much potential"""

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"Let me tell you a joke... Feminism."
"My Asian friend said he had erection anxiety... I said: ""what do you mean?"" He said: ""I don't want to see the dick rise to power."""
"What do pothead barbarians say when 420 rolls around? 420 raze it!"
"[police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass."
"I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I'm impecunious."
"I just saw a squirrel dragging a wine bottle bag up a tree. I think I found my spirit animal."
"Have you heard of the new resturant on the moon? Great food...but no atmosphere."
"MRW when I heard about the Super Fine Bros. thing that's going on. [deleted for trademark infringement]"
"No thank you GPS.I have this magic ring on my left hand that connects me to the nice young lady in the passenger's seat who knows everything"