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Joke of the Day

"I once had a girlfriend who had a lazy eye... I had to dump her because she was seeing other people."

"Jogging, but with a car."

"[The Twitter Breakdown of 2015] Angry mobs storm the streets, forcing clever wordplay down the throats of unsuspecting, innocent bystanders"

"Why is it a ""12-pack"" and not a ""jury of your beers""?"

"Who fills in for the president of Russia when he's on leave? Deputin"

"Being attacked by a shark is frightening enough... But it's even more terrifying when you notice he also has a big cold sore on his lip."

"What word starts with F, ends with UCK, and people look for it when it gets a little too hot... A firetruck... .. You dirty person you... :-)"

"What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling."

"I ate pelican today Never again. The bill was massive."

"Either way she's getting a D I can't remember if she asked me for my class notes or for a dick picture, either way she's getting a D."