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Joke of the Day

"*UFO attacks* Govt: It's a weather balloon. *UFO destroys Eiffel Tower* Govt: Weather balloon. *UFO conquers Earth* Govt: Weather balloon."

"What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox? If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail."

"I'm 35 and I was out to eat with my 18 year old girlfriend. Everyone was giving us dirty looks. Eventually I got up and yelled at everyone ""you are all ruining out 10th anniversary."""

"Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic? Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower."

"What did the hungry whale do? He bit the tail off a submarine and sucked out all the seamen."

"*sticks switchblade into bag of NES cartridges, licks tip of knife, nods to boss* It's good."

"Why did Papa smurf go to the aviary? Because he loves blue tits."

"[every 3 hours] You know what screw it jm going to treat myself"

"Poor People Matirx *Neo: There is no spoon.* **BUT IS THERE FOOD?**"

"A punk walked into a barber's shop and sat in an empty chair. ""Haircut sir?"" asked the barber. ""No just change the oil please!"""