96279
Joke of the Day
"My bucket list. 1. Buy bucket."
Next Joke
"I'd say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we're not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, ice dispenser.."
"You know the meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken."
"Swallowed two pieces of string this morning. A little while ago they came out tied together... I shit you knot!"
"I like having fun with strangers in elevators by slowly moving my finger towards the emergency stop button while maintaining eye contact."
"OK I just checked and cracked iPad screens are NOT covered under the health care reform bill, WTF?"
"If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I've never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?"
"What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear? Oakley Dokelys"
"[writing own obituary before going to the zoo just in case] ""his hatred of lions was well known and dreamt of fighting one two of them"""
"why did the scarecrow get a promotion? he was out-standing in his field."