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Joke of the Day

"[writing own obituary before going to the zoo just in case] ""his hatred of lions was well known and dreamt of fighting one two of them"""

"My 1 yr old only says the words ""no,"" ""mine,"" and ""bye"" and I tried it out and it turns out that's actually all you need."

"How many students does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the light bulb and one to drink until the room spins."

"I hate people who make cancer jokes. They have no sense of tumor."

"What do politicians and diapers have in common? Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason."

"What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home? The shadow of his former shelf."

"Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo Drizzle"

"What do you call the Easter Bunny with fleas? Bugs Bunny"

"The unused coloring book. Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book? Her arms are amputated."

"Johnny's mother called his father at work... ""Johnny just swallowed a nickle and spit up two dimes, what do I do??"" ""Keep feeding him nickles!"""