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Joke of the Day

"When I was younger, I was so stupid, I made bad decisions that will haunt me for the rest of my life. And by ""younger"" I mean yesterday."

"What is it called when Al Gore comes up with a solution to a problem? An Al-Gore-ithm. I'll see myself out."

"I like to walk up to strangers and ask, ""Would you take a photo of me?"" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away."

"I remember the face of every person who doesn't say ""thank you"" when I hold open the door for them."

"""OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??"" -me watching gymnastics"

"How can Peter Pan fly? You'd fly too if somebody panned your peter."

"Libraries are a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk."

"Never understand when someone says, ""cats are snobby."" Like dogs are constantly inviting you & the kids over for burgers & a swim?"

"I hate it when I remove myself from around people to fart in peace and they follow me right after I have release a big one."

"Some people come into your life for a reason. Like for target practice."