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Joke of the Day

"What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news? Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny"

"Going to an event tonight and wearing a tuxedo. A real tux, not one of those cheapo ones. Seriously, this thing is made with actual penguin."

"What do you call 2 accountants having a threesome with a girl? Double-entry"

"Why don't old people like tennis? There's too much racket"

"I jumped into the pool with my iPhone.... It's syncing now"

"I'm now on year 3 of the '7 day ab challenge'"

"Today I got told I am condescending....... That means I talk down to people"

"Do the right thing. Not right away, but like after you get called out."

"Pot is a gateway drug. But the gateway is cluttered with gallons of ice cream & stacks of pizza, so it's hard to pass through."

"I met my wife in an African Languages class. We just clicked."