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Joke of the Day

"Leo and Matt Damon are talking..... Leo:wanna hear a joke? Matt: sure Leo:OSCAR! Matt: i did'nt get it Leo:EXACTLY"

"How Many Feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the ladder and ensure the safety of the second feminist who will unscrew the old lightbulb and replace it with a new one."

"Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to come to my door."

"A little boy has diarrhea... Mom: What the hell do you need Viagra for? Boy: Isn't that what you give to Dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"

"#MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'"

"""I'm scared of thunder and vacuums but this beehive full of killer bees looks delicious."" - Dogs"

"My wife is: 1) Am amazing mom and a great friend 2) Still the most beautiful girl I've ever been with 3) Now following me on Twitter"

"I took one of those online IQ tests ... And got a 404. I'm a super genius!"

"A Man Goes In For His Annual Check-Up With The Doctor The doctor tells him, ""You need to stop masturbating"" The Man Asks ""Why"" The Doctor Replies, ""Because I'm trying to examine you"""

"Just finished my book about how to get laid at bars. It's called The Girl With the Lower-Back Tattoo."