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Joke of the Day

"#MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'"

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"First Jon Stewart retires, then Brian Williams gets suspended. What's happening to fake news?"
"Do you know what would happen if the Pope showed up randomly to a Catholic service? Mass hysteria."
"County lockup has been a lot more fun since they started giving out temporary prison tattoos."
"What's the best feature of Apple Pencil? You don't need to sharpen it."
"Whenever Barry Allen is around, everything happens in a flash"
"A pop star who summons ghosts, AKA... Seance"
"A terrorist Walks into a Pet store A terrorist walks into a pet store and shouts ""Run away you only have 10 seconds before I blow this place up!"" ""You Bastard!"" The Turtle says"
"What is the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney."
"bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days"
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