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Joke of the Day

"If you watch Cinderella backwards.. It's about a woman who learns her place."

"I never close my eyes in the shower because that's how murderers know when to show up and kill you."

"Food snobs ""May I take your order? "" the waiter asked. ""Yes, how do you prepare your chickens? "" ""Nothing special sir,"" he replied. ""We just tell them straight out that they're going to die. """

"I'm fat, but not accidentally give birth in the Walmart bathroom because I didn't know I was pregnant, fat."

"What do you call a midnight run to get ecstasy? A nocturnal E-mission!!! I came up with this a few years ago and thought I should share with the masses:)"

"Why are glasses required to do math? because you need it for davision"

"What starts with ""f"" and ends with ""uck""? FIRE DUCK O SHIT WADDUP"

"So this guy gets pulled over... He's speeding and clearly stoned. The police officer says: ""How high are you?"" And the man replies ""No officer, it's hi how are you."""

"I saw Uranus from my dorm room last night... ...Next time close your Urcurtains."

"I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money"