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Joke of the Day

"Are you a parking ticket? Because you got fine written all over you My girlfriend told me this one today, I was impressed"

"Pro Tip: don't believe everything on Twitter. Y'all said throw her up against the wall to keep her happy. Karen from accounting. Not Happy."

"Do you know how do you spell Mississippi with one I? *Covers left eye* M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I"

"There's 3 types of people in the world. The ones that know how to count and the ones that don't."

"Our doctor told us that vaginal delivery is definitely an option.. But when the hooker arrived at our place the next day, my wife was *not* pleased."

"What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law? A small medium at large."

"Why is 77 better than 69? You get eight more"

"""I'd like one personal pizza please"" Pizza: Your life's a mess. You should lose 10 pounds. Call your mother. ""Whoa maybe not that personal"""

"Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she's gained weight."

"Asked a vegetarian if she'd heard this song, then remembered vegos are too weak to turn on radios and way too busy playing with their lutes."