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Joke of the Day

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. jk, rolling."

"Babe.. [gets down on one knee] I'm [gets down on the other knee] so [lays down on belly] tired [zzzzzzzzzz]"

"How bad is it to poop your pants? It Depends"

"I walked up 14 flights of stairs, so I'm all done with exercise this month."

"How do you get 50 little old ladies to scream FUCK at the same time? Have the 51st scream BINGO!"

"If I've said it once, I've said it one hundred times. I'd rather listen to an auto-tuned queef played on a loop over and over, than listen to Lady Gaga's performance at the Grammy's again."

"What does a Texan do if he breaks up with his girl friend? He dates his other sister."

"Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit."

"A cannibal and his son saw a pretty girl in the forest The son said: ""Dad, can we eat her?"" The dad said: ""No, son. We take her home and eat your mother"""

"I sent ten puns to an online contest... I was hoping at least one would win a prize but no pun in ten did."