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Joke of the Day

"I always hate going into my cousin's house. He vapes e-cigarettes constantly... ...so whenever I leave there, I end up smelling like an ashlesstray."

"True friendship is when you walk into someone's house, and your WiFi connects automatically.."

"Thank you for telling the definition of ""many"" to me. It means a lot."

"Me: Did you just put your fingers in my drink? 5yo: I don't have poison on my fingers! Me: But why did you....wait, what?"

"I wish my girlfriend went down as much... as the pound did last night."

"i get ignored so much my name should be terms and conditions"

"Two blondes at the movie:"" Pst, the guy next to me is masturbating!""says one ""just ignore him"" answers her friend. ""But I can't ! He's using my hand!""replies the first blonde"

"What three streets in Chicago rhyme with vagina? Paulina, Melvina and Lunt."

"A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off. Headline in the local newspaper next day read, ""Nut Screws Washer and Bolts""."

"So, I was talking to my friend who runs a scrap yard. I asked how business was... ... He replied: ""pretty good, I've seen a bit of a pickup recently."""