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Joke of the Day

"I forgot my brother's birthday last month. What did he say? Rick: Nothing yet."

"What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE"

"Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait."

"I love hitting F5... It's so refreshing"

"The families in Eggo commercials live in nice houses and appear wealthy. Why are they always fighting over one shitty frozen waffle?"

"""911, what's your emerg-"" ""The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell"" ""Sir uteri is not plural for ute-"" ""TAMPI EVERYWHERE"""

"I went outside without makeup on. A child cried and I think a bird flew into a window on purpose."

"The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher."

"Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing..."

"I'm starting to think people are having babies solely for the Facebook likes."