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Joke of the Day

"Gotta be careful. My astrologer just warned me someone pretending to predict the future would steal my money."

"Dating a homeless girl I can just drop her off anywhere after the date right?"

"What do you call a mean Potato? A Dictator."

"Marshawn Lynch came back to play for the month of October. Breast Mode"

"wife: What's wrong? me [annoyed because the kids menu has a picture of a tree on it but they didn't give me any brown crayons] Nothing"

"I never get tired of my old Tweets getting RT'd so I know musicians never get tired of hearing their songs being played on the radio."

"You're so pretty, you could be in a beer commercial."

"Judge : Anything you say in this court will be held against you. Man : ""Titties"" Lawyer : Fuck.. He's good"

"What do black men do after sex.... 15 years to life!"

"How much does funeral insurance cost Enough to put you in so much debt you need to dig your way out Alternatively: an arm and a leg"