95056

Joke of the Day

"The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy. I need to quit making rash decisions."

"I log in facebook to see that everyone is at the bar... I go to the bar to see that everyone is on facebook."

"only thing keeping me from being stripper is about 60 pounds"

"If a blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would stop for directions!"

"What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once? A trifle!"

"[first date] HER: I totally love Nirvana ME: Oh yeah? Name one of their albums HER: Nevermind ME Okay, forget about it then"

"What are the bouncers called at a gay bar? Flamethrowers."

"Spanish for wife - ""esposa"" Spanish for handcuffs - ""esposas"" Well played, Spanish"

"just found out i like being called sugar butt. 35 years of feminism down the fuckin drain."

"What did the old man get for his birthday? Cancer."