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Joke of the Day

"Just a reminder not to wear white after Labor Day and not to be black around cops."

"When you're talking about everything and nothing Your talking two extreme."

"It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again."

"Technically all breakfasts are continental, unless you eat them in the ocean."

"I once tried to be a cat... It didn't go pur-fectly, but it went well... ( )"

"What do you call a Canadian that's been run through a blender? Pure-eh"

"What is a Japanese porn star's favorite kind of pants? [NSFW] Blue khakis."

"I keep misreading ISS as ISIS... ...so I was very confused when we were sending ISIS The Martian"

"Growing up my girlfriend was called the human calculator... but that's just because 14 year old boys would have her do handstands so they could see her boobies."

"I like how glasses suggest intelligence instead of broken eyes."