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Joke of the Day

"Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir."

"The astrophysics class I wanted to take filled up. Now I need to figure out what other course will work for my schedule and major. It's not rocket science."

"my family is known for always having diarrhea. i guess it runs in our jeans"

"[doctor's] INVISIBLE MAN: Am I cured doc? DR: Your tests are all clear IM: Is that good? DR: [talking to wrong empty chair] I'm not sure"

"What do you call a septic cat? pussy."

"My goal weight is to stop hearing 'you have a great personality'"

"Are we sure that Oscar Pistorius was the only one involved in the murder of his girlfriend? Someone else may well have done the leg work."

"I asked Nurse Joy if she could examine me. She said ""I'll take a Pikachu."""

"My friend said trepanning is a bad idea... ...but it's okay, he's just close-minded."

"When I was a kid, I knocked out the power in my house. Mom said it was just a phase."