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Joke of the Day

"SON: *first word* momma. MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck* He never comes down our street."

"I just got early access to the new Injustice: Mods among us."

"What did the cell say to his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis."

"Mime Ninja Silent, But Deadly."

"What do you call a piece of poo that assualts you in the ocean? A shart attack"

"Did you hear about the tick who followed U2 on tour? They say he was living life on The Edge."

"Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every 6 months about it."

"Two reposters are in a plane crush. Who survives? Reddit"

"I'm not into Russian dolls anymore. They are so fucking full of themselves."

"Why didn't Edward leave his house? Because he was Snowden."