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Joke of the Day

"Hannah Montana DVD: $15, Tub of vaseline: $3, XL box of tissues: $2, Look of disgust from the cashier:Priceless."

"Oh you can bench 50 kilograms? I literally don't know if that's 100 pounds or a billion."

"Last night on stage at the strip club ... ...was the ugliest woman I've ever seen. She danced up to me and said ""Hey handsome, what would you like me to take off first?"" ""My glasses"" I said"

"HIM: Hi, I'm Bill. ME: Hi, I'm...oh shit this is embarrassing. I'm not really good with names."

"When I'm in a conference room all by myself I like to pretend I'm having a very important meeting with chairs about chair shit."

"Is it true that in prison sometimes a man will try to kiss another gentleman even if he doesn't want to kiss him back?"

"Never tell someone that it would work out if ""only they lived closer"". Crazy can change zip codes faster than you can change your identity."

"So a prisoner took his own mug shot... He called it his ""cellfie""."

"April Fool's Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared."

"Why did the Native American quit his desk job at the Marriot? He didn't like dealing with reservations."