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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, if he says he's six foot four inches, make sure that's not two separate measurements."

"Thinking about becoming an unemployed mom so I can make up to $64/hr online."

"It'd be pretty rad if the Pope's Twitter account was just Billy Joel's second Twitter account where he only tweets while on Ambien."

"Happy birthday to England's Prince George, who turns 1 today. The prince's first birthday party was a little different. His bouncy castle was an actual castle. And the pony rides were on Camilla."

"Why did the suicidal chicken cross the road? To get to the other side"

"Shampoo is much more marketable than it's original name, Shamshit."

"I recently broke up with my mobster boyfriend... Turns out he was sleeping with the fishes."

"What did the cat say after reading """"To Kill a Mockingbird""? I want a refund: there's not one darn thing about how to kill a bird *anywhere* in this book."

"Top two sprees: 2) killing; 1) shopping"

"How much equations does it take to finish a math test? Only Sum"