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Joke of the Day

"There's a guy in this Taco Bell bathroom stall so loud I'm not sure if it's performance art or a solstice goat sacrifice."

"Those who say ""two wrongs don't make a right"" have obviously never tried ranch dressing on french fries."

"What do toy trains and boobs have in common? They were both designed for the kids but it's the dad that ends up playing with them."

"Scarface didn't really give those guys enough time to say ""hello"" before shooting them."

"These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops. You'd think they would have went before the race."

"What did the candle say when he was down on his luck? I'm at wick's end."

"[talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?"

"Mythology gags, anyone? What can kill you with a glance and goes ""Hittthhh""? The Basilisp."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two... just don't ask me how they got in there."

"What is a double-blind study? Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram."