94005

Joke of the Day

"Guns don't kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do."

"SON: I need lunch money. DAD: Get a job. SON: I'm in 5th grade- DAD: All I'm hearin' is excuses."

"""U can legally stab someone if u suspect they're a Gary."" -no you can't *pulling knife from sheath* ""Sounds like somthin a Gary would say"""

"What kind of joke did the forgetful Redditor make?"

"If I lived in Gotham City I'd always be hinting I was Batman to get freebies. ""I'll get the bat-check. I mean regular check. Bat-thanks."""

"58% of statistics are made up on the spot."

"When she says she is ""new to NetFlix and Chill"". ~ and her bed has surround sound..."

"You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes - why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?"

"I know you're the instructor but I've seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!"

"A sniper looks over a large crowd of people from his hidden perch. Over his earpiece, he is told to fire at will. He carefully spots his target, and shoots. ""Crap, that wasn't Will."""