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Joke of the Day

"me *dead*: at least I don't have to pay student loans *Gets e-mail* We see your living status has changed. Click to update your loan info."

"I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them."

"How do you prevent 9/11? Make it a Malaysian airlines flight."

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Teach a man to fire and he'll run for president."

"Why do they like to watch Star Wars on the big screen on aircraft carriers? They're all about force projection."

"They always punch up the fuckline. Why can't dyslexics tell jokes?"

"Why i'm leaving r/Jokes... I have to go to the store, but I'll be back in an hour..."

"My brother and I had a contest of who could cover their Christmas gifts the best. It was a wrap battle"

"Some people say Steve Jobs died to early... but I'd say its an appropriate metaphor for his companies policy on battery life"

"Q: What happened when the elephant sat on the car? A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!"