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Joke of the Day

"I may be nodding and smiling, but I'm secretly diagnosing you."

"The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery. Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism."

"Q: How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting too fat? A: She fits into your wife's clothes."

"What does a white man never want to call a black man that starts with ""N"" and ends with ""R""? Neighbor"

"I used to be schizophrenic... ... but we're OK now."

"The lead drummer of my marching band is such an asshole. So I pounded him. Let me just say that the re-percussions I faced weren't very nice."

"How do you spot will smith in the snow? Just look for the fresh prints."

"How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ? With it's sparrowchute !"

"Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous."

"I'm pretty sure Morgan Freeman was narrating while the universe was being created"