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Joke of the Day

"Fun Game: 1. Glue dark sunglasses to all pigeons in a park. 2. Poke stranger on the shoulder. 3. Whisper, ""I think we're being watched..."""

"Irritating An irritating friend took a drink from my wife's beer and said, ""Ha,Ha, this is one step from kissing your wife!"" ""Yes it is,"" I replied, ""and two steps from sucking my dick."""

"No matter how white-hot my rage feels, I have been unable to clear the snow off my driveway by giving it the finger."

"What the hell is almond milk? Almonds don't have titties"

"with great power comes great electricity bills"

"Marriage is like Thanksgiving dinner You can make it last, but it gets a little worse every day."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an irishman? Zero."

"Why planes are faster than car and buses? Because they are almost never **tired**."

"I just quit my job crushing cans at the soft drink factory... It was just soda pressing."

"Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple? The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!"