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Joke of the Day

"*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!"

"My friend got a job fastening metal plates together. He hates it. He says it's not fun or interesting, which I dont understand. I think his job is riveting."

"Just saw that new Harry Potter movie, and was really disappointed... ...just looked at my ticket stub. It turns out the movie is called fantastic *beasts* and where to find them."

"Rookie cop: ""But sir, why would man's laughter be a crime?"" Chief: ""ffs kid, it's one word. Manslaughter."""

"If we are not if we are not meant to have midnight snacks why is there a light in the fridge ?"

"What do you call a closet full of lesbians? A liquor cabinet! heh."

"My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don't exist. He's busy vacuuming now."

"What's a linking verb's favorite genre of music? Are & Be"

"Forrest Gump wasn't a retard. He was just raised in Philly"

"Where does the vampire sail? In the bloodstream."