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Joke of the Day

"A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror ....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband ""I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"" Husband says ""well, your eyesight is spot on"""

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"Why the carpenter is always constipated? Because his stool so hard!"
"My girlfriend left because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don't worry... I'll return."
"When I was young I had to go to walking school. It was tough. They really put you through your paces there"
"How do you get a fat chick into bed? Piece a' cake!"
"A guy came up to me in the gym. ""How the hell did you get a body like that?"" he asked. ""Thanks,"" I said, ""That's very flattering."" He said, ""Not really mate."""
"Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Joke Joke Jooooooooke."
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"What's dad's best one-liner? ""My wife."""
"What do you call cheap circumcision? A ripoff."