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Joke of the Day

"You remind me of my little toe Why because I'm so cute and tiny? No, I will probably get drunk later and bang you the coffee table."

"What did Watson and Crick study to find DNA? Rosalind Franklin's notes."

"*phone rings* Wife: Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me: *dresses baby up in Superman costume & duct tapes him to ceiling fan* Wife - ""...."""""

"Why can't ethiopians take med pills? Cause they can't take 'em with empty stomach."

"How do you know that you are dating a french horn player? Because when you kiss them they shove their fist up your butt"

"A mom sat down next to me at the park, smiled and asked, ""Which one's yours?"" I replied, ""None of them... yet."""

"How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb? (fixed) 100. 1 to change it and 99 to stand around and complain about how they coulda done a better job."

"How can you make a witch itch? Take away her ""W."""

"What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine."

"If your Uncle Jack was stuck on the horse... Would you help your uncle jack off the horse?"