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Joke of the Day

"Sex like me is like 'The Mermaid Joke' on /r/jokes right now. Hot, bloody, and it ends with a dead cow."

"Women should be like a well placed rug You should be able to lay them then leave them"

"How do you get beer from root beer? You pour it in a square glass."

"I decided to put certified SCUBA diver on my resume. That way they know I can handle intense pressure on the job."

"eer booze and fun!' 'WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning."

"What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!"

"The Comcast repairman asked if he could use my bathroom. I guess he had to cut some cable."

"I Can't Believe I Don't Get More Recognition For Being Really Modest"

"A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist... -. Do you have pills for the jealousy? -. Yes, yes we do! -. YOU BASTARDS....!"

"*Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* ""Oh man my car windows are down!"""