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Joke of the Day

"[hospital] SON: I came as soon as I heard. What happened? DAD: The oying hit me SON: What's an oying? DAD: You are, kiddo *dies*"

"I don't like telling fat jokes They weigh too much on my conscience"

"Hey darling, what would you like for Christmas? ""Oh... I don't know... maybe something that gets from 0 to 100 in seconds when I step on it?"" ""So... bathroom scales?"""

"I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night."

"Tips on how to get girls Tip 1. Don't be ugly."

"Test post, do not click. You suck at following directions."

"I really want a Popsicle but I'm so not in the mood for Freezer Jenga."

"Court decision: ""I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair...... ....what happens next will shock you."""

"I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs. ""No,"" she said, taking a sip of her water. I said, ""Well, you have now."""

"For christmas i bought my girlfriend a pair of shoes and a dildo. That way if she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself."