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Joke of the Day

"My mouth smells like a cave someone shoved a bunch of dead animals into, because that's what it is."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... And says ""gimme a beer and a mop."""

"[quickly jumps into the back of a cab] ME: How far will this get me? *i hand the driver 14 peanut m&ms with the chocolate sucked off*"

"The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is so weird. It's like, ""We know you read us for sports but how about this week you just beat off?"""

"What do you call 2 chainz on steroids? 2-Gainz"

"Two nuns sitting in a car at lights... ... when Dracula jumps on the bonnet and roars an evil roar. ""Quick, show him your cross!"" ""Oi Dracula, get off my damn car!"""

"I hate when I'm driving and I see people text and drive. It makes me want to throw my beer can at them."

"What should I give your sister for unzipping? ...... Him : Um, ten bucks? Me : Like for WinZip. PS: Taken from bash.org"

"Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere."

"What does your wife have in common with a Porn actress? They both moan SO much."