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Joke of the Day

"Want to know if your wife loves you as much as your dog? Lock them both in a trunk of a car and see who's happy to see you when you open it to let them out"

"Face tattoos are a great way to let people know that you don't owe on any student loans."

"What's the best rape prevention tool? A de-boning knife."

"How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb? Irrelevant, you will be assimilated!"

"Whats Black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee, ya racist."

"Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then. Pupil: My dad won't like that. Teacher: Why is that? Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!"

"I thought the big NYC ball was mechanically operated but I guess not. I heard Mariah Carey dropped it last night during her performance."

"My grandma won the local grocery store's anual dance competition. She didn't miss a beet."

"People need to stop acting like animals have the same emotions as humans... ...they hate it when we do that."

"Where do David Cameron and his party meet? In the Conservatory!"