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Joke of the Day

"I thought the big NYC ball was mechanically operated but I guess not. I heard Mariah Carey dropped it last night during her performance."

"Apparently ""if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly"" was not the tip this waitress was expecting."

"I like to make things awkward at family gatherings by walking up behind each person and whispering 'I know what you did last Christmas'"

"SURGEON: *cutting open patient's torso* NURSE: sir, what are you doing?! this is a knee replacement! SURGEON: there's a Pokemon in there"

"Why did God make man before woman? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy."

"Why can't you trust snakes ? They speak with forked tongues !"

"I'm madly in love with a girl who's a solipsist... ...but she doesn't even know I exist. :("

"Damn girl, are you today's date? Because you are 10/10"

"My son was thrown out of school today.... for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said ""son, that's three schools this year. Maybe teaching isn't for you"""

"A shitty geometry joke What do you call a fancy bisexual scottish cane? An anglo biscepter"