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Joke of the Day

"Recent studies have shown that women who have 2 glasses of wine per day are more likely to have a stroke. Women who have a bottle of wine per day might even suck on it"

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"My mood ring was recently stolen. I'm not sure how I feel about it."
"What if a side effect to laxatives was death? That'd be a shitty way to die."
"If your uncle Jack was stuck on a roof... Would you help your uncle Jack off?"
"You call what I just did walking into a wall. I call it looking for walls I can pass through and marking that one off the list."
"What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis? TB or not TB, that is the question."
"""A pirate with no p... is irate!"" Friday is International talk Like a Pirate Day!"
"What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'? They are both santa clauses."
"What do you call a sextape with a 60 year-old man in it? Flappy Bird. ^I'll ^excuse ^myself ^now"
"Does ""who cares"" count as advice?"
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