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Joke of the Day

"I now realize that my mom did not actually have eyes in the back of her head. She just did as I do, randomly yell out ""stop it"" every 30 min"

"A tank and a snake are having a heated argument when the snake says ""Shut up! You got penis on your face!"" to which the tank replies ""You got face on your penis!"""

"A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?"

"Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum. **X-post : /r/ScienceHumour**"

"Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere"

"My wife took me to the most amazing 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play."

"Your cubicle must be full of ghost and owls Because all I hear over there is booo hooo"

"Roses are red... Roses are red. Violets are red. The grass is red. The fence is red. OH SHIT THE GARDEN'S ON FIRE!"

"God: *making Eve from Adam's rib* Adam: That's a weird way to make people God: Lol wait till you see how she does it"

"What did the first stop light say to the second stop light? Don't look I'm changing"