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Joke of the Day

"I once sent nude pictures to everyone in my contacts list. Not only was it embarrassing... It cost me a fortune in stamps."

"My Penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records until the library sent me a past-due notice"

"What did the guy say after he finished jacking off? Well that got a load off my mind."

"[me after 1 minute of jogging] this is good, this was a good decision [me after 3 minutes of jogging] life is suffering, there is no god"

"I bet Dame Judi Dench has a pretty nice apartment. #cribs"

"How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, ""Daddy, I want a new apartment."""

"how many tourette sufferers does it twat to caun a light bollocks?"

"[car wreck] [hand reaches out] ""Take my hand. I'm Chad Kroeger from the popular band Nickelback."" [I let the flames slowly bake me alive]"

"What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ? Mesquite squite squite. ...Forgive me I'm freshly smoked."

"Finn is not your average stormtrooper... ...because he doesn't know about either killing or white suits. But he does know how to install a toilet main."