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Joke of the Day
"I bet Dame Judi Dench has a pretty nice apartment. #cribs"
Next Joke
"I hit 2k followers. Now that I've gathered you all here, I'd like to discuss the benefits of Amway"
"My attempt to write from a woman's perspective: ""She carried her boobs to the station. 'They're staring at my boobs,' she thought boobily."""
"In almost every situation, Nutella makes a great substitute for love."
"Her: 'Do I look, like, fat?' Brain: no,no,no,no Brain: Of course not. Brain: Say SOMETHING Mouth: 'Like a fat what?' Brain: Oh dear God"
"Was surprised when my son came out the closet yesterday... I didn't think he could break through that lock."
"How come they can send a lifeless, unfeeling robot to Mars, but that lifeless, unfeeling robot can't be @AnnCoulter?"
"So my homework told me to use a table to solve the equation But I already am using a table to solve it. What, should I normally do my math on the floor?!"
"Married Couple Friend:hey how's your married life buddy..... Jhon: 20 years before it was like heaven ....... 20 years after no fucks given"
"What do you do when a blonde girl throws a grenade at you You pull the pin and throw it back"