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Joke of the Day

"You can lose weight if you don't eat foods that start with capital letters. Even faster if you live in Germany!"

"Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table."

"Who was the heaviest of the Pharaohs? King Two-ton-khamen."

"I DO help with the laundry. My wife just doesn't understand. I wear the same jeans for like two weeks straight."

"That awkward moment when you realize that the nursery rhyme never said that Humpty Dumpty was an egg..."

"Love may be blind Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener."

"Why cant a Mexican man sleep with three women at once? Fear of over dos"

"I wore a pedometer for a week. Good news -- I'm not a pedo."

"""Installing this app on a smartphone or tablet will mean everyone in the house can easily adjust the thermostat."" Dads in unison: ""Nooooo!"""

"There's a new movie coming out about people who take a long time to orgasm... It hasn't released yet."