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Joke of the Day

"You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don't know them."

"If the ESPN Fantasy Football app were slower and unreliable it would be playing quarterback for the Bears."

"Midget scammer So there was a midget scammer who was in a prison break. I watched him climb up and down the wall - it was a little condescending."

"My neighbor poked my eyeball out so I asked for an iPhone 7 as a compensation An i for an eye as they say"

"If one day I woke up gay... Id go back to sleep"

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? In the US you can't milk a cow for 14 years."

"What do pedophiles and rappers have incommon They both like da booty"

"It's a vagina, not a small business!"

"I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here."

"Budweiser is a lot like sex on the beach; It's fucking close to water."