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Joke of the Day

"A man speaks with his daughter. Father : Well, you fuck way better than your mother. Daughter : I know, my brothers told me!"

"You say ""potato"", I say ""This isn't working. I think we are unhealthy together and you scare the shit out of me. Keep the cat. He hates me."""

"I hate spiders ...but I respect the Daddy Long Leg. The Daddy Long Leg has a very special ability, the ability to make ANY man, regardless of age, say the word daddy."

"Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with."

"If the stick figure people started committing more crimes... I could be a legendary sketch artist for the FBI."

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? A mega sore ass"

"Probably the worst time to say ""Or what?!"" is when the cops are telling you to drop the gun and step out of the vehicle."

"I a tendency to skip words."

"The speed at which you walk into the liquor store says a lot about you as a person."

"Listened to some Beethoven last night. And some Lady Gaga today. Now I'm quite confused. Who's the deaf one again?"