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Joke of the Day

"""FOR [sound of robot-computer meltdown/Buckethead noise] PRESS 1 FOR [feint but audible screams of someone being chased in woods] PRESS 2"""

"Two flies are eating on crap. One of the flies farts, to which the second fly replies "" Do you mind ? I'm eating here !!"""

"Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia? He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy."

"Keep death off our roads Drive on the pavement. . ."

"I hope I will get a girlfriend before I die. It turns out I get an eternal life"

"Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But numbers can 4/10"

"How do You Tell if a Woman is a Feminist If the boring clothes, weight problem, lack of makeup or angry demeanour doesn't give it away, she'll tell you within 2 minutes."

"Is LSD illegal or just frowned upon? Asking for a giant purple rabbit."

"Why do most men not like aspirin? Because it's a cox blocker"

"My favorite thing about Germany the children are kinder"