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Joke of the Day

"There is a thin line between Numerator and Denominator. I bet only a fraction of you get this."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? No one's going to pay to have a lentil on their face!"

"I burnt a lot of calories today... I set a fat kid on fire."

"If there's one good thing about the election of Trump, it's the greatly lowered odds of being attacked by Russia. After all, they're not going to key their own car."

"You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon."

"A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue. 'Is it moving?' they asked. 'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'"

"how many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just shoot the room for being black"

"Did you hear about that boxer who adopted a child from Asia? It's Mike's Thai Son."

"I'm not sure if I have constipation or diarrhoea. I'll find out by a process of elimination."

"BOSS: I need to see you in my office ME: *I begrudgingly take off my invisibility cloak* oh alright"