90923

Joke of the Day

"[At bar] Me: As a joke, I'm gonna pee my pants Wife: Seriously? You're a married man now M: Right...sorry. I'm gonna pee ""our"" pants #BT140"

"It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment."

"How do you kill a troll? Take away its internet access."

"What is the rapper's favorite bread? 2 Grainz"

"I don't know what disturbs me more about my attraction towards my girlfriends mother. The fact that she's 51 or the fact that she's also my mother."

"I'm ready to be a father now that I've successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he's so happy, he's relaxing & floating on his back...wait..."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a scotsman? Mick Jagger says ""hey you, get off of my cloud."" a scotsman says ""hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!"""

"If I had a repost for every repost I saw on r/reposts... I'd have a lot of reposts"

"If I wasn't supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn't have made it taste so good with orange juice."

"Why did Princess Di cross the road? Interia"