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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm feeling too self-confident I'll find something in my hand I've just spent 15 minutes looking for."

"Genesis is my favorite rock group who've been around long enough to write a chapter in the bible."

"Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember ""breast, thighs, moist & hot"""

"I have a great HIPPA joke! But I can't tell you."

"hello 9-1-1? my girlfriend's been kidnapped ""stay calm sir, what's ur girlfriend's name"" oh she goes to another school u wouldn't know her"

"Just told my kid her freckles are kisses from angels and she said freckles are actually clusters of concentrated melanin. THANKS NICK JR. :("

"There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife."

"What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist? Pronounce this word: unionized"

"The secret of recent explosion of Antares rocket The decades old Soviet rocket engines it used were engineered to fly TO America, not AWAY from it."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... and asks for a beer and a mop."