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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm feeling too self-confident I'll find something in my hand I've just spent 15 minutes looking for."

"What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men? 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello!"

"One minute without you feels like 60 seconds."

"Why did the scarecrow win the nobel peace prize? Because he was outstanding in his field!"

"My neighbour is on his front porch wearing a Halloween mask and oven mitts while trying to remove a wasps nest. This should be interesting."

"Searching for stuff on the internet when you're drunk is called Beer Googles."

"Scanned a customer in the eyes with a barcode reader for being rude to me.... ...should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless"

"Every commercial for every product should have a scientist looking into a microscope. That gives me the confidence to buy"

"What do you get if you cross a 20-year-old man, and 37 steak knives? 25 years in prison"

"2 prostitutes are standing on a corner One looks to the other and says ""you ever been picked up by the fuzz"" The other says ""No, but I have been swung around by the tits"""