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Joke of the Day

"Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test? Fred: Yes Mum I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class."

"I see your childhood joke and raise you mine: What object crashes the most? A kaleidoscope!"

"Did you hear the one about the man who got swallowed by a whale? Turns out he survived by running all the way to the end until he was all pooped out!"

"Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends."

"A peanut was walking down a dark alley He got a-salted"

"I rarely watch Fox news because every time I do I feel like I'm sitting in on a very unpleasant condo board meeting"

"Why do moths fly with their legs apart? Have you ever seen the size of moth balls?"

"If there really was a Purge, and all crime was legal for one night, I'd probably do something super crazy, like loiter."

"Best Buy's MLK Day sale Half off all black speakers, today only"

"[kisses daughter goodnight] Sleep tight. ""Daddy, where do babies come from?"" Um, the Stork. [stork knocks on bedroom window] He's lying."