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Joke of the Day

"riding that line between i wish i didn't have to eat to live and food is the only thing that comforts me"

"How do you circumsise a redneck Kick his sister's chin"

"Did you hear about the guy who taught a group of dung beetles to play baseball? Yup, and thats just the bug inning."

"getting real tired of hearing opinions on murder from people outside the murderer community"

"That new film, The Finest Hours, looks really good the plot looks very submerging"

"Wife: You're shirtless? *nods* W: And covered in...oil? -Well, you know how you always say I never glisten? W: Listen. You never listen. -Oh"

"If she calls me lazy again, I swear I'll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed."

"I got breast removal surgery... Sorry I had to get that of my chest"

"Said ""large"" today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting ""Venti, Venti, Venti!"" and a mass suicide occurred."

"It seems unfair that I'm bad with names but great at remembering every grotesque meaty neck I've ever had to wait behind at an airport."